Although we have committed to staying in the area for an extended period of time, there are times when I feel that I don't fit into the culture that is "America", and in particular the Southern way of life. There are a number of factors that contribute to this feeling, including views on politics, social cues, language, intent, and sense of humor.
Firstly, politics in this country are ingrained in the very being of every person. It often defines a person's religious views, where they shop, how they dress, who they are friends with and how open or closed minded they are. So many stereotypes exist to label who a person is or isn't Republican, Democrat or Libertarian. Most of the time, ignorance and lack of communication makes it impossible for members of whatever party to be together. Even in my own mind I find it difficult not to discriminate or shy away from most Republicans, not because I cannot listen or accept their views, but because they are unable to listen or accept my views. Being in a country where there are so many different people and cultures but only main streams of thought is hard to get used to and I'm not sure this will ever completely feel right to me.
Socially, I have always been able to start a conversation, make friends easily, and be liked by others. Most of the time I am comfortable in myself and I don't worry about what others think. One lingering issue for me is the lack of interest from most to make an effort to form a friendship. A friendship only forms when there is reciprocation. People seem to say one thing but mean another for fear that they will hurt someone's feelings. For example, when someone says "we should totally go out for a drink sometime", I expect that they will follow through, either accepting an invitation from me to go out, or make an effort to invite me. When someone says "I can totally help you with that" or "if you ever need anything just let me know", I expect that it is ok to call when I need something. When it becomes one-sided, just me making the effort, it is extremely discouraging and I inevitably feel like the fool.
In an expat community, friendships are made easily and quickly, and it is easy to accept all walks of life and views on this world because of it. However, these friendships are often superficial for the same reasons. So I can see the pros and cons. It's just frustrating to always be the one making the effort, and in return feeling anxious because of my eagerness. The say-one-thing-do-another really throws me and I am not sure how to read people who are pros at this behavior. What is the person's intent? How do I read their social cues?
Another shock is sense of humor, or lack thereof. Certain topics are off limits or taboo. Perhaps this is just people taking themselves too seriously. It think it goes back to the whole fear of hurting someone's feelings. Trouble is, it creates a false sense of who a person is, and in the end, friendships become superficial. It's definitely something I miss about living abroad - the ability to speak your mind and be accepted, and the willingness of others to create new friendships.
Just some thoughts from the weekend. On the flip side, I have my husband, my house, my animals, my garden, my sanity.
