In light of the rise of pregnancy in the circle of "people I know" over the past year, I began to read some articles about other people's experiences of what it's like to not have children. As someone who doesn't yet have children by choice, I sometimes feel like I am either missing out on something or just annoyed because I don't seem to fit into my environment. Most of whom I know are parents already, and I can only think of a handful of friends that do not have children, most of which live far away. In my work, I am an "expert" for young children (3-6 year olds), and I have learned how to communicate with parents on an objective level of the child's social, emotional and academic needs. So why do I feel so blah about this? I'm thinking it's just my continued issue with being left out. However, this is not to say that I am going to produce a child because of it, but more a comment on how difficult it is being a "married without children" in an environment that mainly promotes families. Even more difficult is the increasingly few friends I have to chat with on this topic, as if competing for time with my parent friends wasn't enough.
In the article/response to the question: "What is it Like To Be an Adult and Not Have Kids?" from www.slate.com, a woman in her 60's comments on her choices in life not to parent and how she was feeling about it after the possibility to have children had passed. In reading it, I couldn't help but think, could this me in 30 years? What if I too wait until it's too late? Will I regret the decisions I make now?
The issue with me and having children is this: I am not ready to change my priorities and I enjoy having time to myself. I also enjoy having uninterrupted time with my husband. We have a really solid relationship and a good life. If I say to myself, "why would I want to mess that up", it's a signal to me that I am not ready. I want to feel like I am using my life to it's fullest and I think eventually being a parent would be included in that, now's just not the time. On the flip-side it's a struggle being married without children and keeping up friendships that were already so difficult to develop. The reason: never enough time. I can imagine that keeping up with a family, having time to yourself, and keeping up with friends who want to go out for drinks often is difficult, so I try to keep an open and non-judgemental mind. Sometimes it works and sometimes I'm so over the excuses not to hang out.
Perhaps it's the constant banging on about having children and it being so hard that turns me off to the idea. Maybe it's the complete submission to that kind of life that I don't like or the comments like "it's different when they're your own". I'm sure it is, but there needs to be at least a smidgen of positivity on the subject before one dives in. Like many of our endeavors, my hubby and I plan things and we don't take life-changing decisions lightly. It was painful enough buying our first car and then our house (which are not permanent things)!
