It's something that I've always had issues with: it's closure. From a simple seemingly weird conversation with a random person to a run-in with a friend or colleague, I go over and over things in my head way more than necessary. I also hold onto emotions that ring out strong in me. Music or words can trigger these emotions bringing me right back into the feeling of that past moment. I work constantly not to over analyze every aspect of my day especially interactions with others. I'm sure I am not alone with these anxieties and I have learned to deal with myself when little things arise. I also have a great husband who listens to my incessant babbling and friends who talk me down when I work myself up. Wine helps too. Actually, wine helps a lot.
Something happened today though. As I opened my Facebook account this morning I was surprised to have a message from a person from my past. A person who had quite a wonderful and severe impact on my young life. A friend... a foe. I didn't know what, until today.
In the years echoing the uncomfortable end of this friendship I had with this certain someone, I have felt that a part of me was undone, frayed at the edges. It was like I hadn't said what I needed to say or heard what I needed to hear. It wasn't that I hadn't moved on with my life, it was just an uncomfortable feeling that surged through me whenever I thought about my friend. Actually, had I not separated from this friend I would never have met my husband, who has been the best thing in my life, so I can't say that I regret anything, even the really tough stuff.
Today I decided to begin the road to closure. Today I decided to take the bull by the horns and do what needed to be done, regardless of the outcome. I responded to this message and included my thoughts and emotions about what had happened. My efforts to close the book resulted in connecting with an old friend and learning that after years and years that the feeling was mutual. It's interesting how time heals, how age mellows a soul, and how good it feels to replace bad feelings with good ones. Today I moved on and it feels really good.
